Initial air date: March 30, 1953

Invite back, Ballers!

I viewed today’s episode on Hulu, and what a racket. Initially, they mislabel every episode with either the incorrect title or incorrect episode number. Then they put advertisements on prior to AND after the introduction tune. 2 seconds in and you’re seeing QVC.

However they’re complimentary Lucy episodes, so I’ll take it. And among those commercials was for Viking River Cruises, so I’ll cut them some slack. I have actually swooned over those cruises considering that I was 5 and I taped images of their Travel & & Leisure advertisements up on my bed room wall. I enjoy smooth jazz and early bedtimes and lukewarm jacuzzis on the Danube with a hundred silver foxes. Old souls, you understand what I’m discussing.

OK so this episode is another flashback, and I believe perhaps the last one? I do not state this extremely frequently in 2018, however I actually miss out on today tense.

To begin this one, Lucy’s reorganized the furnishings once again, and Ricky and Ethel laugh about how she constantly does it. How she constantly [reads title] alters her mind

So then DREAM CROSSFADE and we’re back in the past. The entire team is going out for supper and a motion picture. Lucy’s been preparing considering that 2 in the afternoon. It took 4 hours for 2 factors:

1) The patriarchy needs ladies utilize whatever makeup, clothes, and tapeworms it requires to look constantly 25 years of ages up until we pass away in our self-preserved botox husks.

and/or

2) She could not choose the motion picture.

Ricky: I think she’s simply a lady.
Fred: That’s your fault, you have actually trained her incorrect. Begin, do something.

Welcome to Fred 101: Introduction to Spouse Training. Lesson 1: Finest method to train a lady on how to make choices is do not let her make choices in the very first location.

Lucy comes out, and they attempt to choose in between Italian food and Chinese food. Lucy can’t comprise her mind in between them. Exact same, Lucy. Those are the 2 hills I ‘d pass away on. They both have noodles with thick sauces, and they both have some handle packed pasta. A ball pit of ravioli and dumplings, that’s what my home will appear like in paradise.

Then Lucy begins thinking of steak. This is since Lucy is dumb and has actually forgotten that steak draws. Besides, a lot of Italian locations use steak AND LINGUINE. Do not be a moron, lady.

At the dining establishment, which is neither Italian nor Chinese since these are a small-brained individuals, Lucy keeps requiring the waiter. She understands what she desires. No concerns that all 3 of the rest are still taking a look at their menus.

She moves them all to an empty table by the window, and they act terribly irritated. However might she who hasn’t done that cast the very first stone. I would move a 12-course meal throughout the whole San Fernando Valley if it indicated natural light.

Lucy desires the roast beef, then alters to lamb chops, then pork chops. This is why you do Italian or Chinese. Then you can simply state “carbohydrates” and they’ll understand. THEY’LL KNOW.

The waiter asks if anybody desires shrimp mixed drinks, and when Lucy attempts to alter her mind, Ricky packs her mouth with a stogie. However that does not stop her: She sneezes, declares it’s since of the window, and moves the entire table once again.

I indicate, I understand it’s bothersome. However in contrast to today, she’s got a complete head on her shoulders. We might let this lady choose DACA and the entire nation would be more steady.

Back in your home the next day, Lucy’s gone complete KonMari on her closet– a job she began 11 years earlier– since Ricky obviously chewed out her the night prior to about how she needs to end up whatever she’s ever begun. Hey, Ricky: how about YOU clear out a closet when every 11 years? Males like him declare to have actually developed civilization however tasks break their brains.

The 1950s: When individuals invested $500 in today’s cash on hats made from can and muffin wrappers, then matured to grumble that millennials are shit since we do not utilize material conditioner.

Ethel overheard their battle the night prior to. Initially, it appears she was listening from someplace, however then it ends up being clear she was actually seeing from someplace. Yeah. Y’ all got ta relocation. Ethel and Fred are the couple they make Forensics Files about twenty years after they discover your bodies.

Lucy takes out a letter from 15 years earlier. A love letter to Tom Henderson, an old sweetheart she had a battle with. She never ever ended up the letter, and now he has a fancy fur store downtown.

OK, why is she keeping half-written letters to old sweethearts? My high school sweetheart provided me a good letter when, however then he cheated on me, so I burned it in a fire prior to splashing the flames in my own tears and spitting on the ashes. I chuckled maniacally up until the ashes lastly passed away. However you do you, Lucy.

Lucy chooses to end up the letter to Tom and welcome him to lunch tomorrow, and when Ricky gets back she’ll act flustered about it. Ethel believes it’s amusing however she’s anxious:

Ethel: Do you believe this is safe, what with Ricky’s mood and all?

Translation: If you pull this trick, will your hubby beat the shit out of you like we joked about all recently?

However Fred discovers the strategy from Ethel and informs Ricky since “we males need to stick.” Ethel should stop speaking with Fred. He is an opponent contender, a strolling war on ladies. Today he would tweet males’s rights memes and grumble about how these feminists have actually almost destroyed work environment attack.

Because he understands the trick now, Ricky teases her with it and calls her bluff. He sends by mail the letter. So Lucy and Ethel go to the fur store to describe the scenario to Tom.

Lucy’s anxious. She asks Ethel: Does she look older? See what I indicated about the self-preserved botox husks? The pressure is genuine.

Ethel: Females do not age, they simply grow a little. Guy age.

Well, sort of. Females grow and after that vanish. Guy age and after that get cast in Woody Allen movies as loveable perverts who succumb to 17-year-old ladies. #fixedit

However Tom is brief and bald:

Lucy: My hunk has actually diminished!

So they choose not to talk with him. WTF?! I think he’s unworthy standard human courtesy now since he appears like Paul Giamatti?!

Then Ricky and Fred get here. Ethel sidetracks Tom, and Lucy pretends to flirt with a mannequin to make Ricky and Fred envious. However it’s quite plainly a mannequin …

Ricky: You understand Fred, I believe this time she’s actually leapt her trolley.

The mannequin’s hands fall off and his upper body pops off his legs.

Ricky: Is this your old sweetheart?
Lucy: He isn’t half the male he utilized to be.

Anybody keep in mind the old motion picture Mannequin? From 1987 and unusual AF? Generally a loser man falls for a mannequin that becomes a hot lady at random. That was some severe white guy shit.

Lucy admits she was ashamed since Tom was so dumpy. She made sure Ricky would tease her permanently.

Oh, Lucy. This is where I, your BFF, take you to lunch and inform you Ricky will tease you permanently no matter what you do since he does not appreciate you. We’ll get cobb salad, it’ll be enjoyable.

However the brief, bald male was in fact Tom’s sibling Tom is still a hunk and has actually certainly not diminished.

Who hasn’t constructed with a mannequin to persuade her hubby that her previous fan was hot, and after that learnt that he in fact is hot, and was sorry for breaking up with him a couple of years earlier since if you ‘d wed him you ‘d secure free fur coats?

This program, it resembles searching in a mirror.

It’s Okay Lucy. You have significant life remorses. It takes place. And you understand what goes excellent with squashing dissatisfaction? Lo mein. I’ll see you there.

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Join me next time for S2 E22: No Kid Allowed. And follow WTF Lucy on Facebook and Twitter!